soft drink. Clean Jock

A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke, but he was alright because it was a soft drink.

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My wife is leaving me because my stories never make any sense…

And that's how I saved Christmas…

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Why did the cow return to the marijuana farm?

It was the pot calling the cattle back!

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I have extreme burns on my face…

I have a pretty funky looking goatee as well…

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What’s small, red, squishy, and goes up and down?

A tomato in an elevator.

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A man once invented a system of government…

Instead of having a congress or parliament vote on proposed laws, he placed the words "yes" and "no" on opposite sides of a see-saw. Then he put a few small chickens on the see-saw and let them run around. Whichever side tilted down was the side that won. Bizarrely, the system worked really well and in a few years the people's satisfaction was at an all time high. When asked by the newspapers what had inspired him to come up with the perfect system of government he said "Well you see, it's all about chicks and balances…"

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I went to the doctors today and told him I keep getting coffee dripping out of my ear…

He said I've got a percolated eardrum.

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I’ve got a new part time job for a company making rubberised computer keyboards…

They offer flexible shifts…

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How did…

How did Webster invent the dictionary?

He got into a fight with Mrs. Webster and one word led to another…

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I took my dog…

I took my dog to the flea circus…

He stole the show.

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