I got hit hard in the head with a can of 7up today…

I'm alright though, it was a soft drink.

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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs who lives in a pile of leafs?

Russel.

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Whatever you do, always give 100%…

Unless of course, you're donating blood.

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I’ll always remember what my uncle said before he passed on up…

"Flying houses? Talking dogs? That movie looks dumb."

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Some people have trouble sleeping…

…but I can do it with my eyes closed…

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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors…

…it's just something I can see myself doing.

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A funny bird is the pelican

His beak can hold more than his belly can

He can hold in his beak

Enough for a week

And I don't know how the heck he can!

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A man was caught stealing in a supermarket today…

…while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires.

He was charged with shoplifting on two counts.

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What’s the difference between a bird and a fly?

A bird can fly, but a fly can't bird.

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Breaking news! Energizer Bunny arrested…

…charged with battery.

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The Biggest and Best Collection of Funny Jokes on the Internet