What’s a blind person’s favorite fast food joint?

Taco Braille

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The Fine Bros. ‘React’ announcement was like a television with no antenna.

Poor reception.

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What’s black and white and red all over?

A penguin in a blender

(Please comment your answer other than a newspaper)

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Always put sunglasses on your tree.

Then, you'll get the proper shade.

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Mom asked if I wanted to race toy cars with my neighbor Chucky.

I responded, "Nah, that's child's play."

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Why did peanut butter flop at the talent show?

He didn't have the right jam.

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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

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What do you call a pile of dogs?

A ruff terrain.

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The Misplaced Frog

The residents of the small English village of Clara Vale awoke one morning to the sound of a very loud croaking noise. Confused, the townsfolk got out of bed and traced the sound to the nearby Tyne river, where they spotted something incredible – an enormous frog, possibly the largest ever, sitting on a huge lily pad. At first, the townsfolk wanted to get rid of the frog, as its loud croaking would soon drive everyone crazy. But since it was just so uncommonly large, they all agreed to keep it as a tourist attraction instead.

However, after a day of endless croaking and a sleepless night for all of Clara Vale, the town knew that they just had to get rid of it. Unfortunately though, every time someone attempted to capture the frog, it would hop into the water, only to return to its lily pad and resume its loud croaking not long after.

After many days of incessant croaking, a person decided to dive into the river and capture the frog that way; unfortunately the frog was just way too fast. However, just before the diver gave up, he noticed something sitting at the bottom of the river – a collar with an address tag on it!

The diver handed in the collar to the local police, and, after inspecting it, knew that it must have been attached the frog. The police drove to the address on the collar's tag and knocked on the house door. A very ashamed-looking old man hobbled out.

"Sir." said one of the policeman. "We have been notified that the enormous frog that has become such a nuisance belongs to you. We found its collar in the river."

The guilty old man, starting to cry, confessed.

"He escaped!" the old man wailed. "The frog on the Tyne is all mine, all mine! The frog on the Tyne is all mine!"

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Why can’t zombie talk?

Cos he has mouth full of sheet

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