A Vegan, an Atheist, and a Crossfitter walk into a bar…

I know because they all told me within 5 seconds

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I was once abducted by aliens. They made me wipe my face, blow my nose and eat my vegetables…

I think I was on board the mothership…

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A guy I know had a terrible accident at work, he fell into an industrial grinder…

He's fine now..

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I love Chinese food as much as the next guy…

…but you'll never convince me a chicken fried this rice.

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Me and my friend are having a competition to see who can steal the most dog related stuff from the pet shop…

I've just taken the lead…

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My girlfriend dumped me because of my obsession with pasta…

I'm feeling cannelloni now…

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Did you know that all of the seasons are named after a tight coil of metal?

Except for winter, summer and autumn…

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Margaret Thatcher said “If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman.”

But if you want absolutely nothing said or done, ask a cat.

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My English professor mentioned on of her colleagues and said that he was a a poet. I quietly asked “does he know it?”

No text found

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What did the green grape tell the purple grape?

Breathe, stupid!

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