You’d think that people who kept their head warm would tend to be healthier…

but as it turns out, people who wear turbans are actually more likely to be Sikh

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From an FB friend…

When debating which shampoos are superior, some prefer using Suave persuasion. Others adopt an approach of Brut force, applying their Axe to the opponent's Head and Shoulders.

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The Worlds Funniest Joke

A man walks into a bar and screams at the top of his voice, "I know the funniest joke ever! £10 and I will tell you it!" A man at the far end, a regular holds up a £10 pound note and the man comes over and whispers the joke in his ear. The bar regular falls off his stool and laughs uncontrollably for around 30 minutes and as a result, is taken to the hospital.

A second man is curious at how funny this joke could be so he holds up a £10 note and the man whispers the joke in his ear. The man howls with laughter with tears streaming down his face and continues to laugh for 60 minutes. Eventually he is taken to hospital.

Old Gus at the corner of the bar is intrigued. No one has seen Old Gus laugh for over 30 years. No joke has ever been able to make him laugh, but he decides to throw £10 down anyway, just to hear it. The man comes over and whispers the joke to Old Gus. Old Gus then proceeds to slam the table whilst chortling like a hyena for 90 minutes. He is then eventually taken to hospital.

There is one man left at the bar, the bartender and the guy goes up to him and says, "Want to hear my joke, it's the funniest joke ever made and I will tell you it for just £10, then I'm off." And the man responds, "No, because then there will be no one left to call in the ambulance!"

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What’s the difference between a piano, a tuna and a jar of glue?

You: You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna! Person getting told joke: What about the glue? You: I knew you'd get stuck there!

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Phil Collins Jokes

Why did Phil Collins only buy portrait pictures?

Because he took everything at face value.

What does Phil Collins do at court?

Testify.

What do you get if you cross Phil Collins and a boxing compilation?

Phil Collins' Greatest Hits.

What's Phil Collins' favourite game?

Sorry.

Why does Phil Collins write his fiction both at the front and at the back of his books?

Because he wants you to read both sides of the story.

Why did the guests at Phil Collins' party only turn up in shirts?

Because on the invitations it said, 'No Jackets Required'.

…I'll get my coat.

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Three Men Are Walking In The Desert

Three men are walking in the desert and they each brought an item with them. They meet another man troughout their journey, but this one with nothing in his hands. Traveller: Why do you have water? Man 1: if I am thirsty, I can drink. Traveller: why do you have an apple? Man 2: if I am hungry, I can eat. Traveller: okay the 2 first men I understand. But you? Why do you have a car door? Man 3: if I am warm, I can roll down the window

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