Because the ones she was using made everything blurry.
Because it was a Patriot Blaze
Hitler is raping you!
(Also: can anyone think of a more succinct buildup? It seems kinda unwieldy to me)
One comes back from hanging the tinsel to see the other with her hands colored bright red, shaking her head in frustration at a sopping wet pile of fabric.
When asked what she'd been doing, she explained that she had dug an outfit out of the linen closet that nobody had used in years, hoping to dye it red and make a Santa Claus outfit to entertain the children with, but the fabric was too stubborn and she couldn't get the color to take.
Well, the first nun said, you know what they say: old habits dye hard.
The first guy says "Well I'll put it to you this way, I can get in my truck before sunrise, drive all day long, and by sundown I still haven't hit the other side of my spread."
The other fella looks down, spits, and says "Yeah, I used to have a truck like that"
A mars bar