The Bus Driver

A school bus driver gets a new job driving the Sesame Street bus. He gets to his first stop of the day and there is a little chubby girl waiting. "What's your name little girl?" he asks her. "My name is Patty" she says and gets on the bus. He gets to his second stop and there is another little chubby girl that looks just like the first. He asks her what her name is. "My name is Patty" she says and gets on the bus. She sits next to the other little girl and they start chatting away. At the next stop is a little boy waiting with his mother. He has his hair slicked back and is wearing a little 3 piece suit and carrying a briefcase. His mother says " This is my son Ross and he is special, so please take really good care of him." The bus driver gets to his last stop and there is a little tough guy waiting there. He has the arms cut off of his denim jacket and his sleeves rolled up. There are holes in the knees of his jeans and the ends of his sneakers. He says " My name is Lester Heese and don't mess with me!" Lester Heese gets on the bus and sits all the way in the back and the whole ride to the school he picks at his toes through the open holes in his sneakers. When the bus driver gets home his wife asks him how his day went. He answers: It was great… I had two obese Pattys, special Ross, Lester Heese pickin' his bunions all on a Sesame Street bus!

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A bear walks into a bar

The bartender asks what he can have. The bear goes "Can I have a gin?" The bartender goes and grabs a gin and comes back and hands the bear his gin. The bear goes "And tonic." The bartender says "Why such the big pause?" The bear looks down at his paws and says "I don't know" :(

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Swimming Cats

There are 2 cats, an English cat and a French cat, in a contest to swim the English Channel. The English cat is called the one two three cat, and the French cat is called the un deux trois cat. who won? The English cat. The un deux trois quatre cinq.

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Help me figure out this joke

This joke was posted here a while back and I've read it 2 times a day since it was posted and I just don't understand it. It's driving me insane, I can't concentrate on work I just think about it. This is it, please try to help decipher:

The key word is failure…

Jones came home and found the bucket he had at age thrust upon him. Lolly (wife) hadnt been home in 4 years. Jones is regretting trying to live his life with G*d in it now. He rebukes his commitment, and throws the bucket into the air. But suddenly, the bucket changed colors: . . . ! It was staring at him, holding money in its raibow mouth. "Rainbow Money Mouth Bucket House 2: Jones' Quam with The Creator." starring Brandi, rated R

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