A duck walks into a bar…

…and asks for a ham and cheese toasted sandwich. The barman says, "Sorry, kitchen's closed. I can get you a drink. What would you like?", to which the duck replies, "No problem, just make it a ham and cheese toasted sandwich." The barman, a little confused, says "Sorry, no. The kitchen's closed. Would you like a drink?" The duck then responds with "Okay mate, make it a ham and cheese toasted sandwich." "Listen mate," snaps the bartender, "I've already told you, the kitchen's closed. There's no ham and cheese toasted sandwich! If you'd like a drink, place your order." "Alright, alright. Jeez, salty much! Calm down. Just get me a ham and cheese toasted sandwich." The bar tender, losing his patience turns on the duck, "Listen here, if I've said it once I've said it a thousand times, kitchen's closed! There's no ham and cheese toasted sandwich! If you ask again I'm going to nail your bill to the bar!" "Oh," retorts the duck, "you have nails?" "NO! WE DON'T HAVE ANY FREAKIN NAILS!!!" screams the exasperated bar tender. "Good," replies the duck calmly, "then make it a ham and cheese toasted sandwich."

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The Perfect Son.

A: I have the perfect son. B: Does he smoke? A: No, he doesn't. B: Does he drink whiskey? A: No, he doesn't. B: Does he ever come home late? A: No, he doesn't. B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he? A: He will be six months old next Wednesday

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A six-year old…

A six year old goes to the hospital with his grandma to visit his grandpa.

When they get to the hospital, he runs ahead of his grandma and bursts into his grampa's room.

"Grampa, Grampa," he says excitedly, "as soon as grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"

"What?" said his grandpa.

"Make a noise like a frog because grandma said that as soon as you croaked, we're going to Disneyland!!!"

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