A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. My farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent." The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week." The next week the lady comes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the h**l you gave me, but now my farts…although still silent…stink terribly." The doctor says, "Good!!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing.
Me: Someone told me you talk like an owl
Him: No I don't
Me: No, someone told me that you talk like an owl
Him: I don't
Me: You're supposed to say "Who?" so I can say, "I guess they're right!"
Him: But I don't
He always has the same suit.
Yoda lady who?
Good job yodeling!
Well, not your parents, because your parents never knock!
I meant, "Vegetable?"
My son (6) had an absolute meltdown this evening about essentially nothing.
Dad: "Your consequence is that you may only choose a vegetable for a snack this evening."
Son: (Cries and yells for 10 minutes)
The father emerges from the restroom seeing his son eating a tomato.
Mom: I didn't want to get too technical with him, dad…
This just happened! LOL!
Just look at it. It's headed in one direction and pointed in the other.
Q: How are blondes and computers similar?
A: You never appreciate them until they go down on you.
(This is my first time posting. I don't know if I'm following all the rules. If I'm not, please let me know and I'll try to find the proper place for this post.) This educator and his buddy Wokka want to teach you and your kids punny jokes every week. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yo-rwCJHrdc