Two NSA agents walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "Hello gentlemen, first time here?"

The agents reply, "Yes it is."

The bartender says, "Great! Would you like to hear our specials?"

The agents go, "No need, we heard them earlier."

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I told my doctor that my chronic IBS has really affected my personal life.

He said, "Well you know what they say, gas all day keeps others away."

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