A man gets pulled over for speeding

Cop: I will need to see your license and registration please

Driver: first you should probably know I have a gun in my glove compartment.

Cop: really?

Driver: yes. And a dead body in my back seat and drugs in the trunk.

Cop: sir I will need you to step out of the vehicle while I call for backup.

[more police officers come and search the car.]

Officer 2: officer, there is no gun, drugs, or dead body in the car.

Driver: and I bet that liar told you I was speeding too!

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Son: Hahahahaha mom this dinner tastes really good hahahahaha

Mom: Hahahahaha thanks son hahahaha

Son: Hahahaha what did you condiment it with hahahaha

Mom: Hahahaha the aromatic herbs you had in your school bag hahahah

Son: Hahahahaha

Mom: Hahahahaha

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Mushroom walks into a bar..

Bartender says “Hey you can’t drink here.” Mushroom says “Why not, I’m a Fun-gi!”

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“Back in the day…” my grandfather started to say. “You could walk into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket, and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs, and a bit of butter as well.”

“But today…” he continued. “Wherever you go, there are cameras.”

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