It was my son’s birthday, so I took 4 of his mates for a burger and then bowling.

They had a great time, he would have loved it

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How do you find out what’s in an e-cigarette?

Just ask someone not to smoke it next to you.

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“You look like a million bucks”,

said Bill Gates disappointedly to his wife.

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How can you tell my parents are abusive?

Beats me

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My girlfriend said period jokes aren’t funny…

So I ended up throwing away 3 pages of jokes i had written about the Victorian era.

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I think there are nine vampires coming to my dinner party.

Oh, wait… I forgot to Count Dracula.

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Why shouldn’t you trust an atom?

Because they make up everything.

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Bears think if you’re lying down motionless, you’re dead.

So everyday, the first bear to wake up thinks its entire family is dead. Tragic..

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The inventor of predictive text has died.

His funfair will be hello on Sundial.

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My ex-wife still misses me…

but her aim is getting better!

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