Why do french tanks have rear-view mirrors?

So they can see the battle.

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What do you call a pretty lady on the arm of a drummer?

A Tattoo.

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I got enough money to retire and enjoy life without ever working again..

.. if I die within the next month.

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Researchers at Duke University say they have discovered the reason for the existence of the human appendix.

Still working on the reason for the existence of the Kardashians.

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What do you get when you cross an agnostic, an insomniac, and a dyslexic?

Someone who stays up all night wondering if there is a dog.

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Winds of 108mph, structural damage, flying debris, massive depression, icy blasts, communication difficulties, untold misery and suffering…

Yes, I forgot our anniversary again.

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What starts with E, ends with E and has only one letter?

An envelope!

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At the next election I am going to vote for the NSA

Because they listen to the voters even after the elections.

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I’ll have you know, I’ve been sober for just over 100 days.

Not like, in a row or anything…just in general.

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What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft?

A flat minor.

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The Biggest and Best Collection of Funny Jokes on the Internet