What’s purple and 5,000 miles long?

The Grape Wall of China.

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My granddad got his tongue shot off in the war…

…but he doesn't talk about it.

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I never knew how technologically advanced Moses was…

But today I learned he had the first tablet that could connect to a cloud.

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My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives…

I said, “No, I don’t hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.”

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About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard…

After that, he went downhill fast.

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Where does the king keep his armies?

In his sleevies

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What nationality is Mr Sheen?

Polish.

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I just changed my Facebook password to ’14 days’…

…but it said it was ‘Too weak’.

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People often say “icy” is the easiest word to spell…

…and, looking at it now, I see why.

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I hated my job as an origami teacher…

Waaaaaay too much paperwork…

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